Saturday, January 31, 2009
Well, one month down. And what a strange, difficult month this was. My life has become a roller-coaster of emotions and I really want it to stop. Partially I feel this is the effect of reverse-culture shock, and what I have deemed reverse-college shock. I like the dorms because they are in a great location, right next to school plus they feed me with semi-tasteful food, even if it never sits well in my stomach. My roommate is cool, other people in the dorm are alright though very unsanitary. But it has been hard to go out and meet people as well. I get too comfortable being alone. No that isn't true. Rather, I get too depressed and stay in, but then proceed to bitch about how I have no life. Maybe it's best that I don't have a social life since I have so much homework to do for class these days, and barely even get half of it done after spending hours a day reading. I hate this.
I also told myself I would not let boys rule my life, and yet, somehow once again they are beginning to. Why?! Maybe I will go straight and leave all these boys (who are trying to be men, but who are they fooling?) behind! One minute it's good, the next great, and the next it sucks. Apparently, the "Gay Gods," as Zachary says, have forsaken me.
Good things have happened though as well. My birthday, both the dinner and the party, were very successful! It was fun and enjoyable to hang out with old friends as well as meet some new ones! I am also getting better at this magical game called Beer Pong. I used to think I sucked at throwing things, but for some reason, I can do fairly decent at this. Haha! Anyway, it was fun, and I swore off drinking for two weeks. But of course that didn't happen because last night was Garmin's annual winter event. I went with Sophia and had a blast! I also won a Forerunner 405! It's a GPS running watch that costs $300!! I will never use it but I will sell it to the highest bidder!! After the games, the bosses took us over to TGI Fridays where they bought as a considerable amount of alcohol and food. It was a great night that ended in a horrible hangover!
School is getting difficult and frustrating. How can my professor honestly give me a full book to read in a week? They know I have other classes I have reading and assignments for! What makes it worse is that two of my professors give me a book to read each week. TWO?! And then my other three classes have considerable reading for them as well. I don't understand how they think that is fair.
I am proud of one thing. I have been working out so far with Isaac and Ian. They put me on a very tough regiment of lifting and running. I can feel those muscles that I have been dreaming for for so grow on me! One day, hopefully relatively soon, I will be sexy. Well, maybe not but I will be healthy. Though I do fear if I continue to eat as I do and not lift or exercise, my weight will increase. That thought alone is keeping me on the treadmills everyday.
Anyway, as the new month begins, I would like things to change. A lot. And I have to be the one to man-up and do it.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
So, I moved back into the dorms. It's not so bad. I haven't met my roommates yet (all 7 of them!) and the dorm is nice and new. This will be a good way for me to meet more people at my school too. My room overlooks the Dan Ryan which is not exciting but I can also see the lake and the city. You win some, you lose some.
I had a strange moment as my dad and I were buying linens and other random things for my dorm room earlier at Target. I remember a little more than a year ago doing the same thing, but this time I was moving into my first apartment. I had such high hopes and dreams of living on my own. I really thought I had done it and was moving up in the world. My parents were also supporting me, much to my surprise because I was moving in with Johnny. They were there to help me and prepare me for life on my own. But somewhere along the line I screwed up. Perhaps it was moving in with my boyfriend of less than a year, or perhaps it was my less than perfect spending habits or my job choices. Anyway, I'm back at square one, which isn't a bad option. But this isn't where I thought I would be at this stage.
I always hate coming out to someone the first time. It's awkward because they feel like they can't ask me if I am gay, and I am not going to introduce myself as a homosexual either. Plus you don't know someone's feelings about it either, and if they aren't comfortable with it, then I'm not comfortable with them. I know these are stupid feelings because in all my life, I have met very few people who are so uncomfortable with me being gay that they can't be with me. It is just a feeling that will be with me for some time I think. I have only been out for two years now. So I hope these new roommates aren't bigots. Or bros. I don't like bros.
But, apart from my negative and pessimistic thoughts, I am so excited to be back in Chicago. Once I get my U-Pass, the town will be mine to explore! And I hope Garmin hires me again!! I need money, and quick!
Photo by John Cleary
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Χρονια Πολλα = Many Years = Happy New Year!
Another year is here. Where the hell did 2008 go? What the hell am I going to do with 2009? Why is it that the closer that I get to graduation the faster time goes? I don't want to graduate and enter the real world! I am perfectly happy with school right now and I have no plans for a career!! Freshman year was so much fun and so long! Sophomore year, my first year in an apartment, was a lot of fun as well, but more stressful with rent, utilities, etc. But it went quicker. And now, my Junior year is flying past me. My time abroad went so quickly that I wasn't able to appreciate and fully experience Greece. And now next semester is going to be very difficult for me. 17 credit hours with my first 400 level History class ever added to the fact that I am going to hopefully work at Garmin again. God help me.
I am sitting writing this still in my clothes from last night still with a hangover and old cologne still hanging on me. Kind of nasty perhaps but last night was the time of my life! Since I still have a hangover, I don't want to dissect the events of last night as of yet. Thats later. Plus, I am still a little confused. Weird things happened. Weird in a good way though. But spending New Year's in Chicago was amazing. I missed home a lot, and the city is so much fun and so beautiful. This is my home!
I hate New Year's resolutions. They set me up to fail. No, I am not going to diet and no, probably won't figure out my finances. Sure, these things would be great but, seriously? It's me we are talking about. I know what I want with my life though, and I will do what it takes to get there.
A) Need to start some sort of career path. Internship, contacts, anything. I need some sort of plan.
B) I will not be dependent on another person for happiness. This doesn't necessarily exclude relationships, but I'm young. I still have a lot to experience and do.
C) I need to work hard at what I do, meaning school, work, friendships, money, etc. I cannot afford to be lazy anymore.
D) I want to be healthy. No, I don't need to lose weight, but I need to watch what I eat, and continue working out more. Running is fun but it would be nice if I started weight training.
These aren't resolutions. This is just where I want to be by the end of next year, if anyone is interested, and if you have read this far I can only assume you are.