Friday, June 19, 2009

Golf Bros and Tennis Bitches

Hm, what was this again? A blvog? Oh yes, yes, I forgot about this. As usual.

So, getting over my last super depressed post, things are going fairly well. Living with Merika, Ian and Isaac requires some...patience sometimes, but that's all part of learning to be around each other all the time. So far, so good.

So now you are wondering, "why the strange title?" Well, being that I work in frat-center a.k.a. Wrigleyville, I deal with young, white yuppies on a constant basis. It annoys me. A lot.

"Dude." "Bro." "Man." These are some of their most used phrase as well as their most annoying. This is the first tell of a "bro," the annoying frat boy who dresses in polos and khakis and tries to act way cooler than they really are. For references on bros watch these links!

To all the bros out there - I am not your bro and never will be so take your frayed hats, shove it up your asses and get your drunk whore out of my face!

The other day a guy, who was rather drunk, asked me, "Dude (I cringed), where's the nearest strip club?"

I stood for a second, seriously considering if I knew where a strip club was. Just because I am gay doesn't mean I don't know where these things exist, right? Actually, I would like to go to one just for fun. I responded with a "No."

"Of course you wouldn't," he said. What? What did you just say? Excuse me mother fucker? Do you want your pizza or maybe I can take it in the back and give it some lovin'. Anyway, he turned to my very straight (but nice) co-worker and said," Come on bro! You know where I can see some titties!"

At this point I was utterly disgusted with him and was seriously considering spraying some bleach in his eyes so he could never gaze upon titties again. However, I would like to avoid jail as long as possible and decided against it.

Frat girls (those girls who hang around with frat boys) are worse than their male counterparts. Too many whores come stumbling into my work and utter thing that are impossible to understand. They also expect tons of free things, like the world should stop because they happen to look hot only because they put pounds of make-up on. Sorry ladies, your "beauty" (if that's even the right word to use for them) will not work on me. You make me gay.

Moral of the blog - I hate 9 out of the 10 people who come to my work.