Wednesday, December 19, 2007
I would just like to announce to the world (or those who read my pointless "blurbs") that I am now on my first prescribed medicine, ever. Not just your, "Take these for three weeks and you will be fine," medicines, the "You better take this the rest of your life or you shall die," medicine. Well, I won't die, but it may feel like it. I have severe acid reflux disease. Yay for me! I have inherited my mother's disease ridden genes!
Today was my do-nothing day, where, ironically, I defeated the rebels in my version of the American revolution, struggled to maintain my position in Jerusalem as a French invader, and attempted to culturally beat the Roman Empire as the Macedonians. Does owning Civilization IV truly make me a super-dweeb? I hope your jealous Miles. It makes me happy.
Back to a more serious note, I have been dwelling on where my life is heading. I feel trapped, paying rent/bills/etc, and already starting to settle down at 19. I am metaphorically claustrophobic and I will do anything sometimes to get out. I fear I may be getting to that point soon. Thats why I have decided I must study abroad fall semester. It will give me a chance to get away. Don't take this the wrong way meaning I want to get away from Johnny. However, I did not really bank on my life turning out this way, and I wanted to do so much. I'm starting to feel I will never get that chance if I don't act soon. I guess what I am saying is that I wish Johnny was as restless and adventurous as me, and wanted to do many of the things I want to. However, that is not always the case.
I always found it strange how people could work all their life and just be happy. But I guess they like supporting families, being secure/settled, and being rich. Me? I never wanted children, security or money. I want to learn, and have fun, and go places. But with our society, I feel that I am on a set path, with very little options. Go to college, get a job, work it the rest of your life, retire and be senile. God that sounds so boring!! But if I don't do it, then I will be poor and doing a jig on the side of a street so tourists give me their spare change. I hate the times we live in. Thats why I immerse myself in history and games like Civilization, so I can live and experience other times, other [better] societies.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Not so much going on in the my life lately. Just trying to finish up finals here and the semester. Oh wait. That's a big thing.
So apparently my Greek professor cared this year and I am getting a D in the class. WTF?! I *usually* go to class and do some homework. How does that equate to a D? Though, he said I won't get lower than a C. However, if I did good on my final, he would give me that grade. Come on B!
History is done. Not much to say about that...
Psychology is done and I think I slipped out with a B. Not bad considering I didn't learn anything and hated every moment of it. I felt like I was in high school. However, the final was in a cool, very large lecture hall I had never been in before. I discover new places every day. Next, I must find the legendary underground tunnels of UIC...
So yeah, other than that I work at Garmin, a GPS store on Michigan Avenue. It's kinda weird working on the MagMile. It is the hub of all tourists and what people think about when "Chicago" is mentioned. Now I am apart of that. YAY! But no, seriously, there are too many people. Stupid people for that. Tourists is what we call them. Anything from hicks to Europeans to Asians. They come out of the woodwork during the holidays. Actually, I had a guy come in from Batavia yesterday, though he was very hickish/dumb. I wanted to slap him and yell, "Way to not represent me!" I'm lame.
I don't know what I feel this X-mas season. For the first time, I am not at Target or Batavia. It's strange. However, I do have a 7ft tall tree, decked to the halls with seasons greetings. LMAO. I expected Oliver to see it, and run full force into it, knocking it down out of the window and to the street. But he was afraid instead.
Becca, oh Becca. Soon you will move out, leaving Johnny and I to suffer at the hands of financial responsibility. Thanks a lot. T_T <---
Tonight, I go clubbing for the first time in months. Many months. And I will be sure to post all about my gay adventures!
Sunday, November 18, 2007
So I know, it has been a very long time. I apologize. The thing is, I really should post more often, because then I remember what has happened to me. Now? I only really remember the past few days, like how I now have two jobs or how I saw that dead person yesterday, or the festival of lights where I was wet, cold, but amused and how Oliver is losing teeth and how GPS units are now my life. Halloween is a thing in the past that I remember as a blur and to try and elaborate on it is excruciating now. Thats why I should post more often!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
I am INSANE on my bike. I ride it around town, and you cannot ride on the sidewalks. That means I swerve through traffic, blow stop signs and lights, come inches away from moving cars (and buses), and flick people off when I can take my hand off. Just another reason to love Chicago. But when it rains, it sucks. But luckily, I have my UPass. Sorry Zacahry. You will never know the bliss.
So, it happened. We have a dog. Not just one however, two. Thats right. BUT, I am going to get rid of one...
All that above was written about a month ago. I saved it with all intentions of going back to finish it, but never did. Damn I suck.
ANYWAY, we only have one dog now, Oliver. He is a bitch and a half but is growing on me, slowly. He is cute, and slightly cock-eyed. He knows how to shake my hand now! Now for the important commands... With my reputation for putting things off, I wonder if I ever will teach him those.
Other important news, I am moving apartments? So soon? Well I am only moving up a floor. It's slightly smaller, but has a better layout and is painted. Plus we get a washer and dryer. I will never go a month without doing laundry again! We have a roommate as well. Her name is Becca and shes a 22 year old grad student at UIC. She seems cool and relaxed and hopefully it will be a good situation.
For awhile there, I started getting sick of Chicago. I never go out anymore because no one wants to do anything. Since I live in Pilsen, my friends from school never call me to do anything and those from Batavia hardly do as well. I see Zachary the most. We went up to Andersonville the other day to see a famous cemetery, but instead got lost and we wandered to a very purple restaurant where a creepy black she-male seated us. The prices were ridiculous so we ran before ever ordering. And we really ran. I had the image of she-man running after me with her beads hitting her fake boobs. We ended up at a cool Indian styled restaurant where the food was cheap, tasty and healthy/vegan (maybe?), and was served to us on the floor. However some tarot card reader hogged all the pillows...
ANYWAY back to my point, I feel trapped in the city. I go to school, come back and do nothing. Not even my homework! In the dorm my friends were readily accessible, but here, they are too far away to walk and nobody likes to take public transportation that short of a distance, even though Isaac does have a car. But what really gets me is my dorm friends. Nothing. No invitations to parties, which I hear about later, or just random fun. It really blows. I need to make some more friends in the city. But where do I go? My block is full of pot-head college students or Mexicans who don't speak English. Hopefully my new roommate will help alleviate some of this.
One other thing that bothers me - I still suck at cooking. I need variety in my food, but I cant make it, not to mention Johnny hates most foods. I'm sick of McDonald's and Hamburger Helper!!!
Now to finish up the first season of Heroes! I watched the whole season in three days!! It's so good! And to think I used to hate it. Stupid past Mike. Doesn't know anything!
Saturday, August 18, 2007
A little devil is on it's way. Full of fluff and cuteness. Johnny's TRUE love, a little puppy who has yet to be named. It will pee, poop, eat and generally be expensive. But then again, who can resist a cute, tiny, fragile fluff-love?
...My mother is going to murder me when she finds out.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Ever get that feeling that SO much has happened in your life that you MUST blog about it but you are SO lazy and don't?
Maybe one day in the future.
Long story short.
1. Moved into an apartment with Johnny in the city o' Chicago!
2. Work at Target...still and hate it
3. My landlord is hot
4. Apartments are expensive
5. Parents still want me to be straight
6. It's very hot and I have no AC
7. Because of #6 I am nude-ish
8. Because of #7...nevermind
9. Being on my own is amazing!
10. Being on my own is scary!
11. Being on my own is hard!
12. Can't wait for school to start
13. Dreading school
14. I need to get paid
15. Comcast is evil
16. Comcast now rules my life
17. This list is confusing
18. I live in Mexicoville
19. #18 isn't as bad as it seems
20. I'm so done
21. I probably won't post again for another month...
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
I just finished a three-day work-a-thon over at Target. 10pm - 6am. Gross. I slept FOREVER today. I needed to recover from the disgusting feat I pulled.
I've managed to do a lot this summer. Hung out with lots of different people and gone a few places. But something feels wrong. Have I changed that much? What makes me unable to have a fun time and relax? Perhaps it’s the looming presence of life. Poetic? No but seriously. I need an apartment and guess what? Bobby and Cassie pulled out. Wonderful. Amazing. Great. I'm fucked.
Sometimes I feel like I have to be an adult cause others don't want to be. I have to worry about things I am not supposed to at my age, i.e. an apartment and life. I feel stuck, dragged down and unable to get back up.
Sometimes I don't know where my life is headed. As I lay on the floor drunk as a bee (?) I wonder if this is the life I want. Is my life stuck at Target? Am I unable to make friends anymore, or do I only want to be with Johnny? God!! Something feels so wrong in my life and I don't know what it is!!
The whole "gay" thing makes things worse. I don't feel like I'm gay but all I ever see/hear is how I have to fit in with "them" because somehow we are separated. But at the same time I have little in common with straight men who love boobs, sports, car and beer. Boobs are only good to play with and watch bounce. After all they are only globs of fat.
This summer is different from last. I never seem to sit down and relax. I am always up, doing something with someone someplace at sometime doing god-knows-what. And I fine myself bitching all the time. Why is that? Am I just a bitch now? Perhaps...
We always want things to go back to the way they were, and when life changes, people find it hard to fit in anymore. Where do I belong now?
What an emo/disturbing post...
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
I really really really really really really really really don't want to start work again. I wish money could come to me with no work at all. I wish money wouldn't exist at all and everything would be free since I am now officialy broke. $0 and tomorrow I most likely put the chains of Target back on.
I liked Chicago because I didn't have to pay for gas!
The past few days have been pretty fun though. A last party before my death. Though I didn't go to prom, I did go to post-prom and won Dance Dance Revolution for the XBox 360. I don't have an XBox 360. I thought it was an XBox 360 so I put all my tickets on it. However I did sell it for $80 and with a $25 gift card bought a digital camera [with help from my parents.] I finnaly have my own camera! It's pretty nice too! 7.2 megapixels and pretty slim/sleek. Time to photoshoots??
Anyway after post-prom a bunch of us went camping at Lake Shabbona for their senioe skip day. We roasted food, smores and played cherry bomb in the dark for almost two hours! The next day we went to Dawson's lake house. It looked small on the outside, but it was a mansion inside. I came only because I was enticed with driving a waverunner, which I have done before. However he was a prick and didn't trust me! I didn't even get to ride it!! It was still a fun time and no, I didn't get a tan.
Today Johnny, Paul and I hung out. It was pretty fun. We did the usual stay in Paul's house playing video games for hours. He had City of Hereos which I am now wanting!!
Anyway, now I must go enjoy what little freedom I will have left.
Friday, May 11, 2007
I keep getting worse and worse at blogging... BUT I do have an excuse! It's called college.
I had two term papers (one in history and English) , one major project (anthropology), a strange/hard philosophy class and the ever challenging Greek class to deal with this last semester. My first semester was so easy compared to what I just went through!! Most likely it probably wasn't as difficult as I am making it out to be, but I'm lazy. 'Nuff said!
Anyway, school is over now, and I am sitting in my lonely, dark dorm room with all of my useless crap packed tightly into four plus suitcases. My dad is bringing more tomorrow. My roommate, Γιαννις and almost everyone of my friends has left. I don't have any food because my refrigerator is gone. Actually, I never had any food before my refrigerator was gone. Everything is so sad and depressing!! But I go home tomorrow for my last summer in Batavia. By August, hopefully I will have an apartment in Chicago.
I feel like my life is moving in fast-forward, like I am being forced to grow up way too soon. Don't get me wrong, I want an apartment! But I also want to still feel like a college student, which sometimes is only achievable in the dorms. They are gross and people invade your privacy, but the friendships and bonds that one creates are worth it. I really don't know what to think anymore.
God, I really don't have anything else to say. After so long, I have nothing to say. You would think I would write a huge entry about anything and everything. A lot has happened, but I don't want to bore anyone. Who cares that I got caught up in a bank robbery downtown with a gun pointed to my head as I kicked the man in the balls saving the day and becoming a hero.
Not even my pathetic attempt at a extravagant lie could make this post any more interesting...
Pessimistic - Back to the suburban waste land that is Batavia!
Optimistic - Back to the place I call home!
Pessimistic - Back to slaving at Target!
Optimistic - Back to my closest friends!!
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Things that have happened over spring break!
1) Got kicked out of the house
2) Been relying on friends all week to take care of me
4) Haven't shaved for 5 or 6 days
5) Haven't showered in a few days --> these are things that haven't happened I guess...
This week has been absolutely crazy in both a good and bad way.
The first night of spring break, Ian, Johnny, Chithra and I went out for a night on the town. We went out to eat in Wicker Park at a crazy vegan restaurant, did Hookah, went on the BumTrain (an El car filled with homeless bums who smelled like poop and farts) and had a great time! The perfect start to a spring break which was completely ruined.
So I broke the rules my parents set up. I know, I fucked up. But to kick me out is an overreaction. This incident is bringing to light my family's insecurities and problems with who I am. If your trying to teach me a lesson, nothing will be learned. I am gay and if you try to change a.k.a. brainwash me, you will only mess me up mentally. I did not choose this lifestyle and would not wish it on anyone, but I can only embrace it. I will not deny myself.
And so I became a drifter. I stayed with Cassie for two days. She is a very cool girl and I am so thankful she wanted to help. We then went to Chicago (which I drove Cassie's car downtown) and had a night of shopping and eating. We crashed in my dorm and the next day, I moved to Ian. Isaac was supposed to join us, but he bailed. After Ian, I went to NCC with Ian and Johnny to stay with Zachary. It was a school day and I feel bad for putting myself on him, but I had very little choice and I wanted to see him. NCC had a gambling night and I found out that I would not survive in Las Vegas unless I cheated. After NCC we went to NIU to stay with Merika. I really missed her and we had a very fun time. Paul joined us and we had ourselves a fun get-together. When I woke up, Hector was there and I was more than confused. However Ian rushed us out the door and now I am sitting in the Batavia library alone and with no place to go.
I really had an amazing and different week, but I feel bad for the drifter status my friends had to deal with. Thank you all so much for supporting me through this difficult time in my life. I love you all and value your friendships above anything else right now.
To my parents: I don't want to talk to you right now. Your denial and rejection of me has hurt too much to say. I know I am not the best son in the world, but I only ever wanted your love and acceptance. You are incapable of the latter right now. I will call soon, but for now I need space.
And now I need to know what I am going to do...
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
I apologize for the title. It was on UrbanDictionary.com and I laughed...
Anyway things have been picking up lately. Last night however was horrible. I swear I had a fever and I have been coughing a lot lately. My sickness forced me to miss a midterm, though I emailed him and hopefully he will understand. But I got better around 3 or 4 and with the very nice temperature, I had to go out. I have been a trapped animal for the past winter in my dorm.
I wore shorts and flip-flops. It was amazing! I also went on a short shopping spree. It makes me feel better! Perhaps I should call my parents to make sure I have enough money.
Anyway, I had a nice experience downtown today with my boo and friends. Even though I was coughing and spitting up flem a lot, it still felt good to get out. And no bums, no theifs!
Jamba, A & F, Hollister, and Urban Outfitters later, I was one happy boy. I don't feel like going into any more detail so I'm just going to stop here.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Don't be mad blogger. You still hold the key to my heart. Just because I have neglected your for over a month means absolutely nothing! I was just to busy to care! And no, I will not go into a detailed description of the past month.
Ok, so huge changes have occurred in my life. Very big. Largest of Large. Enormously Enormous. But guess what? Due to some readers of my blog, I am unable to write it down in English. So I will attempt to do what Zachary does, and translate it into another language that I know, Greek! Ok, so here it goes.
Γιαννίς μένω μαζί με.
That was most likely the worst Greek ever, and I am in Greek 102. Anyway, after weeks of deliberation and playing with the idea, it happened. It has been hard, but for the most part it is working out very well and I couldn't be happier.
What else happened? Oh, nothing much. I just got pick-pocketed! Zachary and Co. from NCC came to Chicago on Thursday to go to a gay club up on the North side. We met Zachary at Union and Johnny, Ian and the two of us went out to eat beforehand. Ian would not go [understandably] and we parted ways. On the way to the club, we were getting on a Red Line train underground when it happened. I bumped into a guy and said I was sorry. He then went in front of me, with his back turned to me, and continued to step on my feet in a hard and sarcastic manner. I thought he was angry cause I bumped into him. I was wrong. After going around him, he ran away, the doors closed and I sat down. A random bystander told me to check my wallet, and I knew at that moment what happened. I freaked. I wanted to go home so badly, but I was forcibly persuaded to go to the club still. And I did, though Zachary's friends had no idea where they were going. If I hadn't been so utterly distracted and upset, I would have helped.
Everything was gone. My ID, my college ID Johnny's ID, my UPass [gets me onto the CTA], Justin's UPass, Johnny's $20, my two debit cards, random shit, my social security number, and all my senior pictures. The other day I attempted to go into the city and get a new UPass and ID. However, CTA doesn't take checks, the only form of payment I had left, and no bank [even my own] would cash a personal check. And the DMV wouldn't let me get a new ID without some form of ID. Ironic and annoying. After a two hour trip into the city and getting shut down everywhere, I sat down and almost cried. My experiences are making me hate Chicago, and I don't want to hate Chicago. But how can't I with bums everywhere, thiefs, annoying/slow/unreliable CTA, nastiness and other unpleasantness? Hopefully this is just a phase...
Anyway, I don't have too much else to say. I want winter to end because I am tired and pissed off by being cold. I like the sun and warm!
See blogger, I don't hate you!
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
All of my posts lately have been depressing and sad as have many other blogs I read. I think we are all cracking under the tremendous pressure put on us by college and life. Let me cry some more.
I am incredibly lonely. Being even this far away for five days is so hard. I pray for Friday to come faster each week so I can see him again.
Little recap perhaps?
Last weekend was crazy! After a initial flop of a party over at my dorm room, I quickly decided I needed to get home. I rushed my packing AGAIN meaning I left very many important things and I ran outside. I got lucky and got on the #38 bus which takes me right past Union and Ogelvie stations. However, as we turned onto Canal street, I saw that traffic was not moving in any direction. Seeing as I needed to be home ASAP I made a quick decision and decided to take Union out of the city. Again, I got lucky and jumped on a train. But as I pulled out my Sierra Mist to quench my thirst my luck ended and it exploded all over me.
After the long ride there and a few delays, I was in Aurora and very cold. I eventually met up with everyone and we had a very fun time out to eat. It was Bernadette Peter's birthday...don't ask.
The next day was clubbing...again. I wasn't totally looking forward to it but I thought it would still be fun since a lot more people were coming. And it was. I raped Merika, Ian, Zachary, Cristin, Cassie, Nicole and Aimee. I got my boy home 15 minutes late but I was going as fast as I could! 70 mph down Route 25 is scary!
Sunday was a bigger day than I expected. I met his family, though not his parents. I had picked him up from work and he mentioned he wanted to stop home real quick and then as if on sudden impulse, he took me inside with him. I was so nervous and had no idea what to expect. His younger brother looks exactly like him, just shorter and fatter. His older brother was very nice, as was everyone else. I really liked his family a lot and had a lot of fun. They also stuffed me with food, something I cannot turn down! Now I need to meet his mom, though I am very worried and anxious about that one.
Alright enough recap cause I am bored. Now it is Wednesday and I feel like my life is picking itself up again, however slowly. I feel more organized, on top of things and perhaps my social life is recovering, though I was on the phone yesterday for over 2.5 hours yesterday...My parents are going to kill me when they see the phone bill next month!
Now I need to go do my laundry (which I swear I haven't done in at least a month) and some homework (my professor finds it fun to give me hundreds of pages of reading). And as always, I need to make a certain phone call later. He isn't awake now so I have some time to do stuff before I go "caking." I crack myself up too much for my own good.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Two weeks go by and I don't post. Two weeks of non-stop action. Even now, I should be doing something constructive, like homework. But instead I have chosen to sit here and blog about my life thus-far. Not detailed descriptions of every thing I do *coughzacharycough* I don't do that cause I can't remember everything. :(
So lets see. Where do I begin? Well for starters I feel like I am going insane these days. It is hard to have a social life and try to do well in school at the same, even more so with the classes I am taking now. Philosophy is starting to pick up, English is too much work that I do not care about, I am scared of my History and Greek classes and I haven't been to my Anthropology class in a very long time. I am four chapters behind!! Do I have a social life? It is slowly dying. I spend most of my time either trying to catch up on my work, or vegging out because I am too stressed. The only thing that keeps me sane anymore is my boy.
Example: my day today! Started out with me waking up way too late and almost missing the train back to Chicago. Why I was home is explained later. But however I did make the train after running in front of it! The ride was crowded, stuffy and this old guy next to me kept singing to his iPod. The one good thing however was that the conductor did not see me and I ended up not having to pay anything. Upon getting to Chicago and taking a pink line back, I have to get ready for school very quickly, since class started at 9 and I am far away from campus. Go to class, everything is normal. Go to another class, very very hot and boring but I survive. But then I realized I had to write a paper due by my next class. I had some time so I ate and went at it. It was rushed, crappy and I didn't print out enough copies, but it was done. I then went with Ian, Mike and Kevin to watch a movie, Ran, for our term paper in English. It was a very good and interesting movie but I wasn't feeling well and was very tired. I left after about an hour and half, still having another good hour to go! Coming back, I almost got on the bus until I saw someone I did not want to face. We will leave the name here blank for now. So I decided not to go on the bus and went to the el. However the blue line was 30 minutes late. Four other trains passed by on the other side of the tracks, but not the one I need. And it was very VERY cold. By the time I finally got back to my dorm, I was cold, exhausted and grumpy. I vegged out, did some homework and vegged out some more. So there you go. My bitchy rant. God I feel good!
So why was I home yesterday, during a school day? My boy of course! It is our second meeting anniversary. I find it cute! Friday is our real one month anniversary. It is the longest relationship I have ever had! Wait, scratch that. The only relationship I have ever had! If he does come to UIC with me, it would be heaven on earth! Heaven on freaking earth! My boy and some friends came over here to visit and I had a really amazing time!
So my social life? Yeah, it is going down the drains. I didn't want to break ties with everyone I knew from high school, though there were a few that I did want to and they just wont break... But in any case, I seem to be loosing contact with very many of my closer friends, even here at school. I try to do the whole Myspace and Facebook thing and I try to see people, but it is so hard with school and with the constant and large workload. I feel so bad. But not only that I feel so lazy and crappy cause I have no social life. What happened to my amazing senior year of high school and even my first semester of college where I was always doing something?! Everything except homework that is, cause I had none!
Oh god this post is really bitchy, whining and close to being annoying. Someone save me! =(
Monday, January 22, 2007
Ever have a moment where your walking by yourself in a crowded place, completely shut out to anything and anyone around you, and then suddenly you trip, allowing everyone to notice you? Happens to me all the time. Damn that ice.
I woke up today and said, "Its my birthday. I am not going to class." Five minutes later I get up and run out the door before I missed the shuttle. That however did not work and as I saw the shuttle quickly leave, I realized this is going to be a weird day.
I did however skip my Anthropology class. Sitting in an enormous lecture hall with about 350 other students makes me feel unimportant, so I don't go. I didn't want to be bored today. This is my day! I can be a bitch.
I ended up walking around the new apartments in Greek town trying to find the entrance to look around. There was a sign that said "MODEL OPEN! COME IN!" False advertising. I was cold, tired and wet from the nasty slush of Chicago.
Ok, so I guess I'm bitching a lot. It really hasn't been that bad of a day. I guess I am just tired/exhausted. My weekend was tiring. I went back home on Friday and spent about an half hour with the boy on his lunch break. I then waited around the area until 12.45 when he got off. I got so bored I ended up singing Wicked in my car right while I froze to death. But it was all good cause I spent another half hour at Steak & Shake.
The next day was spent going to Naperville on a whim to visit Zachary. We didn't do much, but it was still enjoyable. We did take a walk around random places while attempting to be camera whores. I need to smile more...
That night we went clubbing after everyone got back from Sadies. It was fun, though not as fun as past times I have been. PDA is still an issue and it only makes things worse when we get strange/mean looks. We also believe we got hit on, but we can never really be sure. Yago was there with some of her friends as was Thomas Taber, though I never actually saw him. I was supposed to get my boy back home at 2 AM but due to the amount of good songs playing, it turned out to be 3 AM.
Even though he was grounded, I did manage a short 45 minute visit with him. We found out that we have always been around each other in life, and yet never noticed it. Very strange and eerie. Anyway, I jumped on a train at 8.37 PM only to find Ian. I attempted to read my homework, but ended up talking to Ian most of the time. It was fun and made the long ride home little less long.
And now I'm 19. I am at the end of teenage years! OH NO! Even though legally I have been an adult since 18, 20 is a big milestone. Now I am very disturbed and have to go think about this some more...
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
This morning I almost did not get onto the shuttle. It was overcrowded, stuffy and smelled weird. With the new dorm open now, everything is becoming overcrowded, though there are many new people to meet. The problem is going out and meeting them.
I am happy and sad to be back. For one, I am back in Chicago, which is amazing! I wish I could live here year round!! I am also away from my parents and family. I can only take so much of them before I go crazy. But this also means a separation from my boy! I miss him so much and this is going to be hard. I've already talked to him at least five times today. :D
The first thing I noticed when entering my dorm was the strange smell that lingered everywhere. I can't put my finger on it. Miles had a similar problem in Savannah according to his blog. Other than that and a little makeover to the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, everything is exactly the same. It feels so weird, as if I had never actually left. It is a very eerie feeling.
I had two classes today, Greek 102 and Philosophy 102. Philosophy seems like a more difficult class, but I sit next to Mike Henning, a philosophy major himself. He will help me. My Greek class is hard as usual, but that it is almost two hours long makes me want to scream. Two hours of nothing but Greek is too much for my little brain!
My text book total came to a little more than $300. I about passed out. I am broke once again. On the flipside, I have about $830 in flex dollars to use for food and random stuff!
Tomorrow comes Anthropology 101, English 161 and History 223. I can only hope this semester goes fast...very fast.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
The title? I do not consider myself holy in any sense, I just thought it rolls off the tongue. Oh, you didn't know? The whole world does anymore so you must be pretty cut-off.
Ok, so I am gay. Labels suck but how else do I explain myself? And now that my family knows, I can finally blog about it. If I didn't know my sister read this thing and reported to my parents about my doings I may have let something slip beforehand.
First Stage - I've known who I am for a very long time, but I denied it. Growing up in a conservative Christian family there isn't much acceptance for such lifestyles. But one day, I was done with it and finally accepted who I was. I pretty much prayed to God everyday to make me straight, but once I realized there was no answer, I gave up. Zachary really helped me when he came out. I believed him when he told me he didn't choose this and finally I believed myself.
Second Stage - So now I'm gay and no one knows. This really was a depressing time for me. I just could not tell people who I was and no one understood some of my actions, such as not wanting to date. I wanted to, but if I did, then I would have to hide everything. One day however, after being disturbed by people in my dorm talking behind my back about the possibility of me being gay, I broke a small hole in the large wall I had built and told Mike Henning via AIM.
Third Stage - His acceptance gave me just enough courage to tell more people, and thats exactly what I did. Soon three became ten which became twenty, etc. I was very encouraged by my friend's support and acceptance. I wasn't expecting less since Zachary and Miles did pave the way for me, but it only takes a single doubt to make me anxious. Then I met him. My dream boy! For privacy reasons, I won't name him, though I don't know who doesn't know. I met him at Mission, a club in Elgin, and though he didn't believe that I was gay at first, I finally convinced him. And we hit it off. We started to date on his birthday, and I have never been happier in my life! So I did the hardest thing I have done to date. I told the family.
They love me, of course, but the thought of rejection always remained with me. They will not however accept my lifestyle. They call it a choice, I call it life. We disagree on many things, religion is the most crucial. And apparently now my whole family knows as well. I will not find much acceptance there, but why even care anymore. I am who I am, not to quote God. Thanksgiving is going to be very awkward...
So this is my huge life-changing subject of the month. But every one of my worries disappear when I am with my boy! And I really am going to hate having to leave him for school. Expect me home at least every weekend!