The Holy Homo?

The title? I do not consider myself holy in any sense, I just thought it rolls off the tongue. Oh, you didn't know? The whole world does anymore so you must be pretty cut-off.

Ok, so I am gay. Labels suck but how else do I explain myself? And now that my family knows, I can finally blog about it. If I didn't know my sister read this thing and reported to my parents about my doings I may have let something slip beforehand.

First Stage - I've known who I am for a very long time, but I denied it. Growing up in a conservative Christian family there isn't much acceptance for such lifestyles. But one day, I was done with it and finally accepted who I was. I pretty much prayed to God everyday to make me straight, but once I realized there was no answer, I gave up. Zachary really helped me when he came out. I believed him when he told me he didn't choose this and finally I believed myself.

Second Stage - So now I'm gay and no one knows. This really was a depressing time for me. I just could not tell people who I was and no one understood some of my actions, such as not wanting to date. I wanted to, but if I did, then I would have to hide everything. One day however, after being disturbed by people in my dorm talking behind my back about the possibility of me being gay, I broke a small hole in the large wall I had built and told Mike Henning via AIM.

Third Stage - His acceptance gave me just enough courage to tell more people, and thats exactly what I did. Soon three became ten which became twenty, etc. I was very encouraged by my friend's support and acceptance. I wasn't expecting less since Zachary and Miles did pave the way for me, but it only takes a single doubt to make me anxious. Then I met him. My dream boy! For privacy reasons, I won't name him, though I don't know who doesn't know. I met him at Mission, a club in Elgin, and though he didn't believe that I was gay at first, I finally convinced him. And we hit it off. We started to date on his birthday, and I have never been happier in my life! So I did the hardest thing I have done to date. I told the family.

They love me, of course, but the thought of rejection always remained with me. They will not however accept my lifestyle. They call it a choice, I call it life. We disagree on many things, religion is the most crucial. And apparently now my whole family knows as well. I will not find much acceptance there, but why even care anymore. I am who I am, not to quote God. Thanksgiving is going to be very awkward...

So this is my huge life-changing subject of the month. But every one of my worries disappear when I am with my boy! And I really am going to hate having to leave him for school. Expect me home at least every weekend!