The Denial Twist

Things that have happened over spring break!

1) Got kicked out of the house
2) Been relying on friends all week to take care of me
3) Party
4) Haven't shaved for 5 or 6 days
5) Haven't showered in a few days --> these are things that haven't happened I guess...

This week has been absolutely crazy in both a good and bad way.

The first night of spring break, Ian, Johnny, Chithra and I went out for a night on the town. We went out to eat in Wicker Park at a crazy vegan restaurant, did Hookah, went on the BumTrain (an El car filled with homeless bums who smelled like poop and farts) and had a great time! The perfect start to a spring break which was completely ruined.

So I broke the rules my parents set up. I know, I fucked up. But to kick me out is an overreaction. This incident is bringing to light my family's insecurities and problems with who I am. If your trying to teach me a lesson, nothing will be learned. I am gay and if you try to change a.k.a. brainwash me, you will only mess me up mentally. I did not choose this lifestyle and would not wish it on anyone, but I can only embrace it. I will not deny myself.

And so I became a drifter. I stayed with Cassie for two days. She is a very cool girl and I am so thankful she wanted to help. We then went to Chicago (which I drove Cassie's car downtown) and had a night of shopping and eating. We crashed in my dorm and the next day, I moved to Ian. Isaac was supposed to join us, but he bailed. After Ian, I went to NCC with Ian and Johnny to stay with Zachary. It was a school day and I feel bad for putting myself on him, but I had very little choice and I wanted to see him. NCC had a gambling night and I found out that I would not survive in Las Vegas unless I cheated. After NCC we went to NIU to stay with Merika. I really missed her and we had a very fun time. Paul joined us and we had ourselves a fun get-together. When I woke up, Hector was there and I was more than confused. However Ian rushed us out the door and now I am sitting in the Batavia library alone and with no place to go.

I really had an amazing and different week, but I feel bad for the drifter status my friends had to deal with. Thank you all so much for supporting me through this difficult time in my life. I love you all and value your friendships above anything else right now.

To my parents: I don't want to talk to you right now. Your denial and rejection of me has hurt too much to say. I know I am not the best son in the world, but I only ever wanted your love and acceptance. You are incapable of the latter right now. I will call soon, but for now I need space.

And now I need to know what I am going to do...